Left Out Again? How to Handle Being Excluded Without Spiraling or Sabotaging Friendships

You didn’t get the invite.

Ouch.

Maybe your friends went out for cocktails without you. Maybe your coworkers did a “spontaneous” lunch thing that somehow excluded your name from the group text. Maybe you’re scrolling Instagram only to find a cozy little get-together you were very not part of.

Cue the familiar gut-punch:

Why didn’t they ask me? Did I do something wrong? Did I forget to shower the last time I saw them?

Let’s take a breath, because I’ve been there. Heck, I still go there sometimes, especially on rough sarcoid days when I barely have the energy to RSVP “yes,” let alone get out of bed. But being left out still stings, no matter how many spoons you’ve got or how many chapters you’ve written this week.

Here’s how I try to handle those “forgotten invite” moments—without losing my peace, ghosting the group chat, or burning bridges in dramatic fashion:

1. Say it with me: I wasn’t meant to be there.

Seriously. Out loud. Even if your dog gives you a weird look.

Sometimes a closed door is divine protection. Maybe it’s shielding your heart, your energy, or your sanity. Maybe the gathering involved shellfish and you’re allergic. Maybe the vibe was off. You don’t need to understand the “why” to believe the “what”: you were not supposed to be there. Period.

2. If you need to bring it up, use “I” instead of “You.”

This one took me years to get right. But here’s the deal—“You didn’t invite me” lands like a slap.

“You always forget me” feels like an accusation.

Instead, try:

“I was bummed when I saw the photos.” “I’ve been feeling kind of distant lately.”

You’re not making them defend their choices—you’re opening a door for connection.

3. Be the person who asks, “How was it?”

No, really. Ask them.

Even if it stings a little.

If you weren’t part of the past moment, you can still join them in the present. Listen to the stories, celebrate their laughter, ask what they loved. This isn’t pretending it didn’t hurt. It’s choosing grace over bitterness—and man, that’s a tough but powerful flex.

Because real friendship? It isn’t transactional. It’s not about keeping score. It’s about showing up, even when you weren’t invited to the last thing.

Bonus Pep Talk from Your Friendly Sarcoid-Warrior Chef:

Sometimes being left out is actually life redirecting you to rest, reset, or realign. I can’t count how many times I’ve grumbled about being excluded, only to realize my body (or the universe) knew better. There’s peace in that.

So the next time you find yourself left off the invite list, don’t spiral.

Pause.

Breathe.

Respond instead of react.

And then? Go treat yourself to a fancy coffee, write a killer scene in your novel, or give your dog a cuddle. You’re still deeply worthy of love and belonging—even if you weren’t part of the group selfie.

P.S. Ever been the one left out? Drop a comment below. Let’s talk about it. And hey—if this resonated, hit that subscribe button. I save you a seat here. Always.