Respect My Air: A Chef’s Rant on Smokers, Scents, and Secondhand Stupidity

If I were to walk down the street in front of you, just farting with reckless abandon—like a human fog machine of bad decisions—you’d probably be offended, right? You’d likely step aside, fan the air, and question my upbringing. Now, imagine I took it up a notch. Let’s say I had a thing for the smell of cow manure mixed with vomit, had it bottled, and called it Eau de Cow Caca et Vomit. And as we strolled down Madison Avenue, I started spritzing it like a celebrity influencer who lost their sense of smell. Wouldn’t you want to grab that bottle and fling it into traffic? Wouldn’t you think, “Wow, this man is selfishly marinating the world in his funk”?

Now tell me why cigarette and cigar smokers think their version of that is somehow acceptable. Because last I checked, exhaling toxic smoke into the air around strangers isn’t exactly the height of civility. And yet, there they are—swaggering down the street, puffing away like human chimneys, tossing their ashes, their filters, their ego—all into the same space we’re supposed to breathe in.

As someone living with sarcoidosis and a history of heart failure, breathing isn’t just a casual reflex—it’s a full-time job. I find the smell of cigarette smoke absolutely vile, and cigar smoke? That’s like a war crime against my nostrils. We’ve banned smoking in restaurants, offices, buses, bars, and airplanes (thank God), but somehow the sidewalk is fair game. It’s as if the public air is a shared ashtray.

If someone finished eating a burger and flung the wrapper onto the ground, people would gasp. Someone would probably yell, “Pick it up!” But a smoker can casually flick a lit cigarette to the curb with the kind of wrist flourish usually reserved for magicians, and no one bats an eye. Once I saw a sign outside a deli that read, “Don’t toss your cigarette butts here—the songbirds are getting cancer.” And that about sums it up, doesn’t it?

You want to see something that truly makes you question humanity? Walk past Mt. Sinai Hospital in New York. Right under the big red No Smoking sign, you’ll find a small crowd of patients puffing away—some literally hooked up to oxygen tanks. I’m not sure if that’s irony, tragedy, or an audition for a Darwin Award. They’re out there, turning themselves into potential fireworks while everyone around them risks becoming collateral damage.

Look, I’m not saying people shouldn’t smoke. If you want to slowly pickle your lungs, that’s your business. But have some respect for those of us who prefer our air without seasoning. Don’t walk right in front of me puffing clouds of carcinogenic fog unless you plan to hold your breath for the next three blocks. And please, for the love of clean sidewalks, stop gathering like nicotine cults outside building entrances. You turn doorways into smoke tunnels, and some of us have to hold our breath just to get inside. You know that dumpster out back you refuse to stand next to because it stinks? That’s exactly how your cigarette smells to me.

And while we’re at it—pick up your damn butts. Stepping on them doesn’t count as cleaning up. It’s not compost, it’s trash.

Here’s the thing most smokers seem to forget: not everyone can tolerate smoke. For people with asthma, allergies, or lung diseases like sarcoidosis, that whiff of smoke you think is no big deal can trigger hours of coughing, wheezing, or worse. It’s not about judging your choices—it’s about not having your choices invade my lungs.

Maybe one day, when your own lungs start gasping like a goldfish at the top of a bowl, you’ll finally understand why this bothers people like me. Until then, consider this the public service announcement you didn’t know you needed: if you want to smoke, go find a corner that doesn’t breathe back.

We all share this air. Treat it like something precious, not an ashtray.

So, smokers of the world, let’s make a deal—you keep your fumes in your lungs, and I won’t spray Eau de Cow Caca et Vomit near yours.

So …

What do you think—should smoking be banned on sidewalks too, or am I just extra sensitive from my sarcoidosis lungs? Drop a comment below or subscribe to join the conversation. Let’s breathe some common sense into the air